The Fall of Slender Man/Transcript
Warfstache: (voiceover) The Slender Man. Once the most feared creature in all of existence... *Slender Man turns* Warfstache: ...now a registered sex offender and heroin addict. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Warfstache: 'Scuse me, Slender Man, could we get an interview? Slender Man: No! NO! *runs away, his wig falling off* Warfstache: (voiceover) Where did it all go so wroooong? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Warfstache: Good evening everybody, my name is Wilford Warfstache with the AFC News. I got the exclusive chance to sit down with the world-famous Slender Man... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Warfstache: SO, Slender Man, the former triumverate of terror, the epitome of evil, reduced to a shell of a man, with an ill-fitting suit and a ridiculous moustache. *inhale* Can we lose the fake moustache? You're safe here. Slender Man: ...I suppose. Warfstache: Yes. *rip* Warfstache: That looks MUCH better... Warfstache: SO, Slender Man, AFTER the Rake Trials of '09, you were granted immunity for all your child-molesting ways. Slender Man: Bu-- but I-- bu-- that's not what happened! Warfstache: What happened after that? Slender Man:'' I... I went to the woods.'' Warfstache: Really? Slender Man: And I tried to... I tried to paint and draw. Warfstache: But you can't paint at all. Slender Man: I tried! Warfstache: You didn't try hard enough. Slender Man: It doesn't matter, I didn't get a chance! Warfstache: Oh, what happened? Slender Man:'' I hung up the little bit of work I accomplished and Markiplier took it all!'' Warfstache: Markiplier! The world-famous and devilishly handsome YouTuber! Slender Man: I-- I--'' Warfstache: ''INCREDIBLE, your words are that he is... Slender Man: I didn't-- I never said that! Warfstache: ..."The greatest person in existence." Slender Man:'' I don't--'' Warfstache: Let's take a look. Slender Man: That's not what that says--'' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Markiplier: ''Slender Man ain't got sh*t on my swag! YOLOOOOO--'' Warfstache: (voiceover) ''Soon after our interview, Markiplier was hit by a bus. His last words: "You don't need to look both ways when ya got swaaaaag..." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Slender Man: He deserved it! Warfstache: Whyyyy? Slender Man: He took everything from me! Warfstache: How? It was just your crappy art. Slender Man: (slightly offended) ...It was GOOD art! Warfstache: It was not. Slender Man: I hung it in the woods where it was hurting nobody and he took it all! Warfstache: Oh, it was so ugly, I'm glad he ripped it down. BUT... after that, what happened? Markiplier met his demise. Slender Man: They locked me up... in an asylum. Warfstache: Ahh... Slender Man: And Markiplier and others found me there. Warfstache:'' Others? There were more?'' Slender Man:'' There were more.'' Warfstache: (intrigued) Ooh, do tell. Slender Man: I got out... and I tried to teach. I went to a school, and they stole my lesson plans right off the walls! Warfstache: Was that because you were a child molester? Slender Man:'' I-- what? I-- I--'' Warfstache: I think that was true, yes, but moving on. What happened next? Slender Man: I- I went back home! Warfstache: Ohh. Slender Man:'' And they came there.'' Warfstache: Yes. Slender Man: Markiplier cleaned out my house! Warfstache: Oooaah! Slender Man: He took my grandfather clock! Warfstache: Not your grandfather! How did he carry him out? Slender Man: The mechanics of it are... mind-boggling! Warfstache: He must be incredibly strong. Slender Man: I didn't say--'' Warfstache: ''Man, he's the greatest person ever. So strong, AND HANDSOME? Slender Man: But, I didn't--! Warfstache: Handsome, too! Slender Man: I didn't say--! Warfstache: My goodness, you really LIKE this guy! Slender Man: What?! N-NOO!! Warfstache:'' Oh, may he rest in peace.'' Slender Man:'' NO! I want him to burn!'' Warfstache: Okay, so then you moved to the CITY to try to get some escape. Slender Man:'' I did. And they all came there, too.'' Warfstache:'' And then?'' Slender Man: And then, finally, I turned myself back in and went to prison. Warfstache: Yes, but you weren't safe there? Slender Man:'' No. I wasn't.'' *turns to Warfstache* Slender Man: They came there, too. Warfstache: As I recall it, we all ganged up on you and beat you to a pulp. Slender Man: But... I've done--'' Warfstache: ''I was there! Slender Man: I've never been--'' Warfstache: ''I had an afro! Slender Man: I... remember-- I DON'T REMEMBER--! Warfstache: Yes, I did, I punched you in the gonads! Slender Man: I don't recall! Warfstache: Warfstache don't mess no sh*t with nobody! Slender Man: I still owe you for that! Warfstache: Alright, so after that embarrassing incident... what happened? Where did you go? Slender Man: I went down to Jamaica and... found myself. Warfstache: Yes, and that's where you bought that ridiculous wig? Slender Man: This is real! Warfstache: Ehh, no, I remember you were bald-a-rino. Slender Man: I just... I GREW this--'' Warfstache: ''Spick and span, not a follicle to befel. Slender Man:'' I just... did a good haircut.'' Warfstache: Right, right, a bad haircut every day 'cause you had no hair. Slender Man: But I didn't--'' Warfstache: ''Oh, what happened then? Slender Man: I went down and I met some nice fellas who... who gave me this look. They helped me... find my ways and I got new methods of... inspiration. Warfstache: (sudden shock) Is that where you got addicted to heroin?! Slender Man: I didn't say that! Warfstache: There you have it everybody! Slender Man: *incoherent* Warfstache: The world famous Slender Man... Slender Man: No--'' Warfstache: ...now Slender-Mon...'' Slender Man: "Slender-Mon"?! Warfstache: ...reduced to a heroin addict and a child molester! Slender Man: WHAT?! I didn't s--! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Warfstache: So how does this terrifying and influential figure fall from grace? Well first, don't molest children, also, don't become addicted to HEROIN... and also, don't move to Jamaica and wear a ridiculous wig. *suddenly turns to the Slender Man, who was sneaking up behind him* Warfstache: F**K OFF Slendy! Warfstache don't take no sh*t from nobody! *Slender Man walks away, defeated* Warfstache: My name is Wilford Warfstache, and this has been AFC News. Goodnight. Blooper Reel Mark: Guululu, guulululu... *turns to Wade* Wade: (as the Slender Man) He deserved it! Mark: (as Warfstache) Oh-hoh, whyyy? What about all those that YOU'VE killed? *drools* Mark: (as Warfstache) Warfsum just spittle all over himself. Continue please. *Wade chuckles* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mark: (as Warfstache) ...and a ridiculous moustache. Please, can we... take it-- ''*Wade pulls hair away, pulling the moustache off in the process, leaving the velcro* Mark: (as Warfstache) ''--THANK you very much. Just to prove my point.'' *Wade laughs* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wade: I don't remember where I went next. Mark: (as Warfstache) I think he went to the... *reads notebook at eye level* Mark: (as Warfstache) ...mental institution. Wade: (laughing) I just said that! Mark: (as Warfstache, laughing) I think he went back... because you should've gone there... you son of a bitch! Warfsum won't take shit from you! Wade: It all started when you drooled! *laughter* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mark: Cannot forget such... important details, CAN we? *looks at camera* Mark: (as Warfstache) Is that your artistic eyes blinking... Slender Man? *turns to Wade, who breaks into slight chuckles* Mark: (as Warfstache) ...IZ IT?! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mark: Alright, coming out of 'Markiplier's demise'. AND ACTION! Wade: (as the Slender Man) He deserved it! Mark: (as Warfstache) Who did?! Wade: (as the Slender Man) Markipli... *noting the error, both break into laughter* Wade: (laughing) Why was that your question? Mark: (laughing) I don't know! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wade: (as the Slender Man, acting shifty) N-NO! *speeds off in a slow jog* Wade: (as the Slender Man) ...gruhh... Mark: (off-screen) Run stupider! That wasn't nearly stupid enough! Wade: I didn't know this was gonna be a stupid one! Mark: (off-screen) You run stupid! When I want 'action', I want stupid! Wade: (chuckling, about the wig) This feels like it's falling off. Mark: (off-screen) Too bad, do it again. *both reset* Mark: (off-screen) Ah, my moustache... okay, and three, two, one, action! *Wade walks, taking note of his surroundings before turning to the camera* Wade: (as the Slender Man) NO! *runs spread-eagled down the field* *Mark breaks into laughter* Category:Transcripts